asalamualaikum  !

i learnt to divide my time better too. sometimes even i wondered how i made it this far without ending up in this office life !

i can't wait to finish this last semester! (practical)

after i'm done with diploma, i can finally focus on degree.

ya Allah, permudahkan lah! 

anyway, another thing i've learnt from 6 years of coupling to this guy (haha!).

love isn't saying "i love you" everyday and night.

it isn't about holding each other's arms.

it isn't about looking into each other's eyes.

it isn't about feeling all nervous and blossoming when we look or touch each other.

ramai yang beristilah macamtu , tapi fanna tak ! and idt my partner is will be apart of me kelak or not.Sebab semuanya sudah berubah. and i had it AND i hate it !!!!!

love is willingness.

willing to tolerate, adapt, help each other, listen, accept each other's good and bad, and willing to sacrifice.

But in my relationship with him i tak pernah rasa semua tu lagi. hmm if dia yang dah trcatat untuk future ..aku terima ,tapi jika tidak, tunjukkan lah aku supaya mudah aku bersedia dengan dugaan ini.... Kadang2 aku memang dah putus harapan dah ngan relation ni. dah tak tahan ngan segala masalah. Si HIM pula tak pernah faham dan cuba untuk berubah , tak pernah cuba berhenti untuk buat apa yg aku tak suka . 3 benda je .. tipu , tak jujur and MASALAH PEREMPUAN. Tu je yang dari dulu tak pernah nampak berubah. YE nampak perubahan sekejap adalah tapi yang fix punya perubahan belum pernah nampak. Makin lama makin tertekan dengan relation ni. Nak break tapi masalah sayang and risau kalau tak boleh nak survive...huaaaaaaa :( kalau tak boleh survive sebab dah lama sangat kan, Tapi kalau teruskan pula, hari2 tanggung derita and tahan semuannya. TUhan  je lah tahu apa yang dihadap ni . hmmm Dari dulu sampai sekarang ada je kawan2 kawan2 yang cuba tenangkan and bagi suggestion untuk masalah ni tapi haa tu lah berbalik semula pada cerita kat atas tu haaaa. hmm Selama on relationship ni juga dah mcm2 boy juga aku kenal tapi belum ada sorang pun yang aku terpikat. hahhahaaa ingat nak buat eksperimen untuk calon2.. tapi still sayangkan and tak blh lupakan si HIM ni juga. Tu lah kan.. Ada betul orang cakap, kalau dah sayang tu, even sakit macamana pun kita tetap susah nak luputkan perasaan tu. huh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Teringin sangat nah happy macam relation orang lain. Tapi tu lah selama boleh tahan ..try lah bertahan kan tapi kalau dh xde hayat untuk bertahan apa lagi terpaksa bawa diri lahh hahaha ayat pasrah :-

so yeah.

i hope we'll be able to stay willing for each other and our family.

insha Allah =')

Assalamualaikum wbt

confession: i am quite an impatient person.when i working here within myself, i found that the thing i hate most, is waiting. no matter what form.sometimes when waiting gets to my nerves, i get angry.and when i'm angry, astaghfirullahalazim..
it's very disappointing.i used to ask myself "why is it that you can change your outlook, change your lifestyle and whatnot, but you can't be patient and control your temper?" everytime after i've done something stupid because i was too impatient. that's the thing about me. i know i need to chill, to sabar and calm down, but the next time, the same cycle will happen again.it was like a tight slap given across my face
how dare i.. how dare i ask Allah swt to wait for me, whereas i couldn't even wait for others?how can i ask Allah, The Almighty, to be patient with me, when i can't with others?how dare i ask Allah, The Giver of Life and Giver of Death, to wait for me to be a better person, as if i'm the one who gets to decide when i want to die?.
my life could be taken away whenever He pleases, and there i was, asking Him to wait."how dare you.." i kept saying to myself.. indeed. how dare me..
i'm sharing this side of me which i'm ashamed of to those of you reading this.. and i'm sharing it because i know there are some people who share this same problem. we're only human. we make mistakes, and we're far from perfect. but it's time to change.. we'll never know if we have a 'tomorrow'.
so here's my new year's resolution. instead of a list of things that i want to do, i only have one thing that i need to do.